What the $1.8 Billion Lottery Revealed About My Money Blocks
Over the weekend, someone finally won the $1.8 billion Powerball lottery! And I had a lot of thoughts racing through my head.
First, I thought about the statistic that 70% of lottery winners lose their winnings within three years, and I wondered whether the winner would fall into the majority or not.
I also found myself thinking about:
How much I would give to others (a lot—50%, actually)
Who in my family "deserved" the money if they won
Whether someone else in my family would be generous toward me if they won
How I want others to perceive me: "kind and generous... using my money for good"
What I would spend my money on that was just for me
And when I realized I didn't win, my thoughts went to how much money I "wasted" on lottery tickets and other scarcity thoughts crept in!
I haven't shared any of these thoughts with anyone, and this is the first time I've had these thoughts after buying lottery tickets.
I'm sharing my random, private thoughts with you because I want you to see that this is how we discover any limiting beliefs or money blocks we may have.
What I Learned From My Thoughts
"How much I would give to others (50%)"
This showed me that I care A LOT about how other people perceive me—that they see me as a “good” person and someone who is generous. This is rooted in my old fear that I don't want to be like my grandmother on my dad's side, who hoarded her money and accused everyone of stealing from her.
I now realize this is still with me, and it shows up in several ways. For example, during my August 5-day challenge, I gave away more prizes than I had planned to (I do this every year). I've also paid my team members more than I "budgeted" for because of this desire to not be like that grandmother. (I also genuinely WANT to pay them even more than I do.)
"Who in my family 'deserved' the money if they won"
That same grandmother gave me the belief that rich people were not kind or generous. Although I know that's not really true—I went to NYU with many super wealthy kids who were extremely kind and generous—I'm surprised to realize this may still be an upper limit issue for me to break through.
"Would someone else in my family be generous toward me if they won?"
Again, this thought stems from the same grandmother. For my 16th birthday, she asked me what I wanted. I asked for Benetton's Colors perfume. After buying it, she chastised me and told relatives that I was a "greedy" girl. (The perfume probably cost around $20 or $30.) This incident made me less trustful of my relatives. It was the first time I realized that people can say unkind things about you behind your back.
Since I never wanted to be like her or be "greedy," in my twenties, as soon as money came in, it went out.
"What I would spend my money on that was just for me"
Not a lot. Almost everything on my list was either to pay off something (like my mortgage) or involved someone else (like travel with my husband, take my mom to Paris or pay my team more money). Thinking back now, I probably would have chosen fresh flower deliveries to the house and hired a private trainer/yoga instructor. But when I made my original list, I don't think there was one thing that would be just for me—which shows me there are certainly blocks here to release.
The Deeper Limiting Beliefs/Money Blocks I Discovered:
I have to do everything myself
There's been a need to be independent because I saw my parents fighting about money all the time. I also witnessed three women in my life who stayed in abusive relationships because they didn't have the money or resources to take care of themselves and their young children, so they felt stuck. I never wanted to be stuck, so I've always been hyper-independent and determined to make my own money.
How much do I deserve?
This could go back to my grandmother calling me "greedy." It could also be because my dad tended to make us feel like we had to "earn" the right to talk, to eat, and to do things. If we were "good," then we could get ice cream. If we misbehaved or talked back, then we were going home and not continuing to the State Fair or other "fun" activity he had promised. And if we didn't end up doing certain things, it was always our fault. Not his.
Receiving may still be difficult for me
As much as I thought I'd worked on my "receiving energy," not putting anything on the list for myself showed me that I still have work to do when it comes to receiving. Again, this goes back to my desire to be generous and help others, but I MUST be able to receive help, gifts, and money too. Otherwise, I'm impeding the flow.
Moving Forward
I've been teaching and coaching so many clients on these exact issues. Yet assessing my own emotions and thoughts about winning the lottery really helped me bring any stuck subconscious programming to light. It's now time to release, rewrite, and then embody a way of being that WILL serve me.
Do you want to join me?
If so, come to the Embody Abundance Retreat, happening at the end of September.
What are you willing to uncover and release?
With Love & Gratitude,
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