The Lunar New Year started on February 9th and lasts until the 23rd of this month. We are in the Year of the Wood Dragon. You can google what that means, and what the year may bring for you, according to your sign.
Since this month is all about relationships and holidays always seem to bring up family triggers, today I'm going to share with you a personal story about my family triggers.
A couple of weeks ago I did an Inner Child Workshop with one of my spiritual teachers, Christine Hassler and her husband.
Now, I’ve done Inner Child work before. I’m trained in this work, and it’s one of the foundations of my coaching work. However, I don’t think we can ever do enough of it because we always carry our Inner Child with us.
It’s not like our Inner Child disappears after doing the work.
This was very apparent when I went to my parents’ house for the Lunar New Year celebration last weekend.
My dad is someone who is “cheap,” and I’ve written about this many times. So, when he decided to buy dinner for Lunar New Year, he needed us to know. My parents' relationship with money causes them to fight quite a bit. (And if you want to NOT fight about money, I have a Couples Guide to Money that I'm giving you for FREE this month). One of the traditions for the Lunar New Year is for grandparents and parents to give red envelopes to the next generation, usually kids. However, my mom still gives money to us, even as adults, which doesn't always make my dad happy, since money is a "precious" resource to him.
However, it doesn't always show up as him getting mad about the money my mom spends. Instead, he will get upset about something else. And this year, that happened when he threw a little temper tantrum when my mom wanted to find a Lunar New Year special on TV.
He walked out of the room with his dinner and only came back in when I said maybe it's better to not have the TV on, so we can talk, and told my dad to come back in and have dinner with everyone.
This did not make my mom happy. Instead, she accused me of being just like him, which of course, triggered my Inner Child.
The next day, my husband and I went and had brunch with my mom, and she was complaining about my dad. When I tried to draw a boundary, she got very upset, and said some things that triggered my Inner Child even more.
It put me into a funk for about two days.
I love my mom a lot. I’ve written lots of blog posts about how much I love and respect her. It’s probably why these interactions are so challenging for me.
If I didn’t love and care about her so much, I wouldn’t even care, and our disagreements would not be such a thing.
But my Inner Child craves my mother's attention in a different way. She (my inner child) wants her mother to listen to her. Instead, I’ve always been my mom's coach and therapist. My Inner Child wants to be the child and not the parent, but instead of blaming my parents, I’ve been re-parenting myself.
I’m giving her the space to be heard.
“What do you need right now?” I ask my Inner Child, either by placing a hand on my heart and another on my belly, or sometimes by looking at a photo of myself at the age of 3.
“To be loved and hugged,” she may say.
So, I do just that.
I hug myself and imagine my mom saying, “I love you. You’re my sweet baby girl.”
Then, I ask my Inner Child, “What do you need from me right now?”
“Tell mom not to worry so much and that I’m going to go and play!”
So, I then imagine saying that to my mom, while watching my little self go and play…
Sometimes it’s not as chill as that.
Sometimes, we need to get angry, do an anger release letter or throw a temper tantrum by hitting some pillows or kicking our feet and crying.
Then, it’s time to mourn the parents we may wish we had.
When we do this process of mourning, then we can have a relationship with the “flawed” and yet human being, who is also our parent.
Hope this helps. Write to me or comment below to let me know. This is a more vulnerable share than I’ve done in awhile, but I feel like you may need to hear this right now. I’m also sharing because this is part of what makes up our money stories.
With Love & Gratitude (for you and for your Inner Child),
If you’ve been in my world for a while, you know that the reason I do what I do is because I’ve known three women in my life who stayed in abusive relationships because they didn't believe they had the money or the resources to take care of themselves and their children. So my mission is to empower people to make decisions, NOT based on money. Instead, I want everyone to make decisions, based on their core values, their dreams, and the dreams they have for their family. If you want to learn more, please subscribe below to receive my Money Magic Mail, where I share additional insights, tools and resources to help to you make those choices and achieve true financial freedom.