I just turned 50 on February 1st.
However, the celebration really began in San Juan, Puerto Rico!
Before I share some pics from that amazing week, I wanted to share a few thoughts about turning 50 and this next chapter in my life.
First though, my mom said to me…
”Don’t tell anyone you’re turning 50, and now that you’re 50, you should never share your age. We (meaning Chinese/Taiwanese people) don’t believe in talking about our age, after a certain age.”
Here’s my response…
I told her that I don’t agree with that idea, and that I am excited and proud to tell people my age…to not deny how old I am and who I am, at this age. I also believe that this is how we change society’s idea about age, especially for women.
Women, after a certain age (usually after 40), have experienced feeling “thrown away,” ignored, and not valued in our western culture that values youth and beauty.
And I believe that by not being afraid of saying that I’m 50 I know that I’m doing my small part in shifting our consciousness…
Sure, it’s sometimes a bit scary, especially since I used to work in the entertainment industry, where it was quite ageist. If I stayed in that industry, would I have been as bold to tell everyone how old I was? I would hope so.
I’m so inspired by women who are boldly and unapologetically doing what they do best AND not shying away from their biological age.
I mean, did you catch Tracy Chapman with gray hair, performing her song, “Fast Car,” with Luke Combs (whose version is such an homage to her) at the Grammy’s?
Tracy is 59, and is such an inspiration that she had the whole room, including Taylor Swift, standing and singing along!
Michelle Yeoh won her first Academy Award for “Everything, Everywhere All At Once” last year, at the age of 60!
And I’ve seen Debbie Harry, aka Blondie perform at 77, and Janet Jackson outdo her backup dancers, when she was around 52 and most of her backup dancers were probably half her age.
Let’s shift the consciousness and proudly celebrate everything you are, including how old you are!
I would say though – I’ve never really thought about age and what it represented. I don’t quite understand when someone complains that now they’re a certain age…they can’t do something.
I have always believed that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and the only thing that would or could hold me back is myself and my mindset.
Age is just a number. It’s how you feel about you and in your body that really matters.
I also want to say that we didn't start consciously create our desires in the first 50 years since we're babies, but that I can in my next 50! I believe I’m exactly at a mid-point in my life. (My grandmother lived to 93, so 100 is not out of the realm of possibility for me.)
Here are 25 things I’ve learned (I’ll try and share 25 more later…but don’t hold me to it because that’s a really long list that I’m not sure you really want to read):
- Love is everything! It’s actually the most important thing, and “if it’s not LOVE, then it is the bomb that will bring us together.” I remember not understanding that lyric and one of my college friends said that it really is the truth. And now I know it is too.
- Listen to your intuition. It will not steer you wrong. Your instincts are spot on. You know what you need, what you want, and what the decision should be. Don’t let your mind tell you differently.
- You are not defined by your circumstances or by your childhood. It’s important to understand where you came from, so that you can shift those unconscious beliefs and not get stuck in the muck!
- Laughter IS the best medicine. It’s healing for the bad AND the good times. Also, surround yourself with people who make you laugh, and you will rarely have a bad day.
- Start before you’re ready! No one is ever truly ready. (See #2). Our minds tell us so many lies about why we’re not ready. So, if you can just tell yourself…I may not be ready, but I’m going to get started anyway…then you’ll be able to accomplish 50% more than most people!
- If I’m not passionate and excited to do something then I shouldn’t do it. Don’t stay in a situation you hate…just for the money, the kids, the fear of the unknown. You can’t expect others to change. You only can change yourself, your emotions, and your response to those situations.
- Know yourself! When I was a kid, my mom told me to not read so much because “pretty girls didn’t need to read that much,” and I asked her, “what happens when you get older and your looks fade?” I knew myself even then! Also, the things that annoy or trigger me may just be because it goes against my core values. For example, I’m frustrated by people who complain all of the time and don’t do anything about it. I used to think it was because I’m not patient. And while that may also be true, what is really true is that one of my biggest core values is being proactive.
- Who you surround yourself with is so important! I used to be a collector of friends, in a way. I thought the more friends I had, the better. However, the older I’ve gotten, the more I just want to surround myself with the people who inspire me, people who are grateful, people who don’t drain me, people who make me laugh, people who bring something to the table (literally and figuratively), people who stimulate me (intellectually or emotionally through discussions, music, art or experiences), and people who are growth-minded, willing to go deep, and hopeful (so no narcissistic, self-centered, surface-y debbie-downers)...and no, you don’t always have to be positive. I want to be around real people.
- Following #8, I think this one is important on its own. It’s one of Brene Brown’s Anatomy of Trust framework pieces…that in order to build trust – Find the people that you can be vulnerable or even fall apart and they won't judge you. Also, this applies to yourself because, as Brown says, "When I think LESS of myself for needing help, it means (whether you're conscious of it or not), you think LESS of other people for needing the help, too."
- Have Boundaries. I used to think boundaries weren’t loving, but they actually are! Through Brene Brown’s Anatomy of Trust framework, I’ve learned to ask myself some questions: Will the person you trust respect your boundaries? Are you respecting your own boundaries? Do you know where your boundaries are? Reminder that boundaries are for YOU, and sometimes the other person may not like it. The way I love to think about boundaries is something I learned when I got my coach training: "Everyone is creative, resourceful and whole. No one needs fixing." So, once I start to go into fix-it mode, I know that I've crossed my boundaries.
- You cannot build upon success you don’t acknowledge.
- Inner peace is more important to me than “being right.” Even though I love to be right…ha! Ha!
- I have the freedom to choose. Even if I don’t think so, I do!
- Life without hope isn’t worth living.
- Lean into faith, when you aren’t sure. Also, sit with your uncertainty, and you may become more certain in that stillness.
- The stronger your faith, the shorter your worry list. The smaller your faith, the longer your worry list. Also, do not worry. God's got me. I can give it to God because well, it's God, who can solve my problems better than me.
- You can love someone without marrying them. If you are going to get married, then it’s important to find a TRUE partner - someone who can laugh with you, cry with you, celebrate with you, and be open to changes that will come…
- It’s OK to be loyal to a fault. It’s also OK to be loyal with boundaries. They’re not equal.
- Without health or vitality, you can’t do anything else, so be diligent about your health and wellness practices, including mental, emotional and physical health.
- Creativity is anything that’s created from what wasn’t there before, so we are all creative! Coming up with ideas or solutions is a creative process, so use your creativity when you encounter problems, whether it’s personal or professional.
- Go into everything with curiosity, and you can never be disappointed. Think about it. Go on vacation with curiosity…go to a retreat with curiosity…go into a new job with curiosity…go to a party where you don’t know anyone with curiosity… If you don’t think you already know it all and are not filled with dread or fear, then you could have an experience you never thought was possible!
- Our bodies carry trauma, so even if you thought you “worked” on it, if you didn’t release it from your body, it’s still there…which I means, I have to really “go there” and physically release the emotions, especially any anger from my body.
- Embrace change because change is the only thing that’s certain.
- Instead of constantly beating myself up for what I’m not doing right, give myself the benefit of the doubt and ask myself, “what am I already doing right?”
- Take ownership of your own life in small and big ways. For example, I don’t wait for someone to plan my birthdays. I always decide what I want to do and then do it! That way, I am not disappointed and blaming others, which is useless, in my opinion!
So, for my 50th birthday, I was inspired by a former client, who had taken her girlfriends to Paris for her 50th. Last year, I went to Puerto Rico for Rachel Rodgers’ ROI: The MIllionaire Summit, and I had already bought a ticket to this year’s summit, which was only two weeks before my birthday, so what a perfect place to bring some girlfriends together?
First, here are some photos from ROI and from my weekend with girlfriends in San Juan, Puerto Rico (I’ll share more on IG, so follow me there):
With Love & Gratitude,
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