My husband and I NEVER fight about money.
Let me allow you to take that in, for a minute, while I backtrack a bit...
This weekend, I spoke at Ellen Palmer's Ideal Year Workshop. Ellen is an Epigenetics Specialist and Life Design Strategist who helps people create their unique blueprint for thriving using science and spirituality, and this weekend, she hosted a workshop that took attendees through creating their ideal year, in health, wealth, and happiness! It's perfect for what I do, as I combine practical tools and spiritual practices to help you achieve less worry and debt + more freedom and money!
In the photo above, that's me in the corner, speaking virtually to a room full of people attending live at the Bridge Healing Arts Center in Farmington, CT.
It was an incredible group of women and men! Although I was clear across the country, I could feel the energy, and energy, in the form of money, was what I came to speak about to this group. I didn't get to spend as much time answering one of the questions, as I would've liked, so I'm devoting today's money meditation post on really getting to the core of this question.
The question was...
"My husband and I have very different views on how to handle our money. What would you recommend we do?"
Now, we all know that money is the #1 thing most couples fight about... To me, the reason comes down to ENERGY. At its root (when you take away the physical aspects of the paper, credit card or even wire transfers, like Venmo), the concept of money is really just an exchange of energy. So, if you're placing negative energy onto money, then that's what creates the fights. What do I mean by all this?
Let's take Jane and Jack. Jane is the one always paying the bills. Jack is oblivious of the bills. He earns money, but he never really sees it. Instead, it's directly deposited into their joint account. When Jack wants to spend money, he uses his credit card, but he also doesn't look at the statements. One day, Jack decides he needs to buy new running shoes. He spends $200 on a really nice pair. He thinks, I run everyday, so I really need these! He forgets to tell Jane. At the end of the month, Jane gets the credit card statement and wonders why there's a $200 charge at the Nike store. She works herself up until Jack is home from work, and then she asks him about it. In her mind, she's just asking for clarification, but Jack hears it as he did something wrong. Then, this leads to a fight where Jane accuses Jack of not communicating well, them "not having enough" money and Jack always getting to do what he wants. Once Jack leaves to clear his head, Jane pays the bill, and they don't talk about money until the next time she "discovers" something else she doesn't like.
So, what's the core issue and how to get beyond the negative energy placed on the bill (which is representing the money spent)? Well, for starters, Jane has to start practicing more self care, so she doesn't feel triggered when Jack is doing things to take care of himself. Besides the personal housekeeping, here are some other ways to shift the negative energy into positive, uplifting ones:
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Money fights show up when there's tension in other parts of your relationship. If you don't feel like your partner is giving you enough attention, communicate this in a loving way by letting him or her know what YOU need, rather than what they aren't doing. If you need more help around the house or with the children, discuss how best to achieve this, at the first sign of it, rather than when you've fallen apart and just...can't...do...it...anymore. Also, our minds love clarity. The more unknown something is, the more we tend to worry, so creating clarity around money will help you worry less.
Set up expectations, boundaries, rules or whatever you'd like to call it...
My husband and I have a rule where we don't spend more than $200 without telling the other person. So, if it's under $200, we're cool to spend it without any prior consultation, and if it's over $200, we discuss it and see if it's something we want to do with our money. The first part of the rule helps us to not feel like we can't make a move without the other person. For us, we need some independence. Otherwise, we feel like children getting an allowance. However, we also know that a marriage is a partnership, and the money part is like a business partnership. So anything above $200 is, for us, significant enough for the partners to 1) know about and 2) help make a decision on.
Make it FUN!
Having money is actually FUN!!! If the idea of having a lot of money scares you or stresses you out, please come talk to me, so I can help you clear this idea right out of your head. Otherwise, you may not be able to make the kind of money you really want to make.
Together, brainstorm what you want to do when you get the kind of money you want to have, and for everyone, this number is different.
So, plan to have a Date Night with your Money! Yes, as cheesy as that sounds, a date night with your money will help you look forward to talking about money (remember communicate, communicate, communicate?), set up boundaries or rules around the money, and make decisions for your money...whether that's what to do about a big bill or if you just got a big tax refund.
Make sure during your Date Night, that you always have a portion where you're dream building. Businesses forecast and envision what they want to do six months from now, a year from now, 10 years from now...so can you and your partner. Dream Building infuses positive energy into money, which will help you and partner to fight less, worry less and create more abundance + love.
Now, I'd love to ask you to do something for me! Subscribe below to get more money coaching tips from me. Share with your friends on social media, especially since money is the #1 thing most couples fight about...it's sure to help some couples fight less about money this year! And as always, if you'd like to clear out your money blocks, pay off debts, and just start this new year by finally getting your financial life in order, let's talk! Sign up here. Then, go to the Schedule link here to find a day/time that works best for you. I'm excited to support you and your partner, so that you can fight less (or not at all) and achieve your financial dreams!
With Love (since we're talking about relationships) + Gratitude,