My husband and I met on Jake's season, while working behind-the-scenes as producers on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. And as I've told you in this previous post, we NEVER fight about money, which is super rare, since money is the #1 thing most couples fight about and the #1 reason for most divorces! Also, having worked on The Bachelor & Bachelorette for 5 years, or about 10 seasons, I understand relationships on a much different level than the average person. (That's putting it midly!) So, today I'm going to share with you some money tips to help you NOT fight about money. I'm relating it to the show because it's Monday, and because many of you have still been coming over from Candid as a Mother's YouTube interview about my time as a producer on those shows. So, here we go!
1. Pictured above is the Bachelor mansion. The contestants get to live here rent free and all their food and necessities are taken care of. So, I know that if you don't have to think about your bills, paying rent or even go to a job, it makes falling in love that much easier!
The contestants leave their jobs for as long as 2 months, if they make it to the top 4. While on their "journey" to find love, they don't have access to their phones, computers, TV, magazines, books, etc., so all they have to do is concentrate on their relationship and truly getting to know each other. Now, reality means having to do all of that other stuff, especially pay bills. So, I think it's uber important to plan a financial date night. Sit down with your partner, go through bills together, and almost more importantly, dream build together! Talk about vacations you want to take in the next couple of months to a year. Plan what kind of home you want to build together and how you want to raise your children (private vs public schools, take them out of school and travel the world together, living closer to family so you can have time together at least once a week, etc.). Because...if you're in a good place with your partner, financially-speaking, then it makes your relationship that much easier! I've worked with many couples, and the best way to do this...is to get on the same page. Marriage is like a business partnership but with LOVE in the mix. Plan ahead but live in the present. Have "meetings," but make them fun. Date each other again by asking some future focused questions because ultimately, the reason you see yourself in a relationship is because you're building a future together, so know what your dreams and goals are and how to get there...together.
2. Pictured above is Emily Maynard on her date with Ryan in Croatia...Which takes me to the next Bachelor relationship goal...Get to the deep stuff quickly!
First dates are awkward, and we've seen plenty of awkward first dates on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. However, the reason some of them actually fall in love, propose and get married eventually is because they spend a lot of time together on their dates and talk about something deep. Not a lot of what's your favorite color conversations on these first dates. It's the same thing with your money! When I first work with clients, we find out what your money blocks are immediately! We go way back into your childhood to see what you've learned, at a young age, that may be keeping you stuck. I can also dig deep with you, in a 1-hour session! You can sign up for one here. It's also super important to know your values. First, figure out what your individual values are, and then sit down together to come up with your relationship or family values! I would even suggest writing a mission or vision statement for your relationship/family.
3. Challenges are actually good!
I'm sure you know by now that there are a lot of adrenaline type of dates on the show. It's because scientifically, we tend to bond way faster, when we've gone through something scary or challenging together. Jake (pictured above) fell for Vienna, literally, while bungee jumping off of a bridge in the middle of nowhere.
Financially, it's the same. It may seem challenging to talk about your credit card debts or student loans, but when the two of you can make it about how you can tackle these things together, then when you get through to the other side, you'll be that much stronger, I promise! The trick is not to blame the other person. Instead, it's good to really LISTEN and remind yourselves that you're in this together. If you're married, remember "for richer, for poorer"?? Well, hopefully, the more you're both on the same page, you can take on the debts and other financial challenges easier together, to get you on the way to being RICHER. Two people working together will pay off the debts faster, save more faster and in general, you have a partner to both commiserate and keep each other accountable. I hear you, that it's sometimes hard to keep your partner accountable, so that's where working with a coach could help smooth some things out.
4. Some things in life are worth spending money on!
How much easier is it to fall in love if you're in Thailand, sitting in an amazing garden, filled with fresh flowers, the smell of jasmine wafting in and out, while dancers and fire breathers perform for you, and then you write your wishes on paper lanterns and then send them into the sky? Or...like Jackie on Brad's season (pictured above) you get to go to a spa at a fancy Beverly Hills hotel, then put on a designer gown that's loaned to you for the day, jewels by celebrity jeweler and Bachelor mainstay Neil Lane, drive into the famous Hollywood Bowl in a Rolls Royce, and have your favorite band appear to serenade you in a private concert? Also, what about the proposal locations? Sure, it may not be your style to get proposed to in front of millions of people on national television, but I do think it IS important that real thought goes into a proposal. It's what dreams are made of! And life is about experiences. It's what makes us happier because that's what our soul truly wants, for us to experience different things! So, if you spend money on experiences, rather than on things, most likely you won't regret those purchases!
My husband proposed to me in a really elaborate weekend first at a winery then at Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur. He spent quite a bit of money, and I still think about what a lucky girl I am, 7 years later! And...we love to travel, so we take a big trip about once a year. Like, this year, we're going to Sicily!
5. If you've done something terrible, it's better to be honest about it, rather than hide it for them to discover later.
OK does this sound familiar? On The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, OMG, someone has a girlfriend back home! (See photo above. LOL) Instead of coming clean from the very beginning, they lie and deceive. Eventually, the other person finds out because they always do. Then, they're even more angry and hurt! It's always the lying that actually gets you kicked off the show (and their lives).
I have a personal story about this one, I've shared more details in this blog post. I had an ex who was in a lot of debt. I tried to help him by paying for his rent for awhile, so he could get out of debt. A year or two later, I find out that he not only had not paid down his debt but he actually tripled it!!! I felt betrayed and kicked in the stomach. If he talked to me about having problems paying off the debts, along the way, I could've figured out how to solve it. But he just kept quiet, until the truth came out. When it did, he might as well have told me he was cheating on me. I felt just as betrayed. So that's why having those money/dream building date nights is sooo important because financial infidelity is just as painful as physical or emotional cheating.
Did you find this helpful? What are some of your relationship & money questions? I'd love to help answer them. What's your relationship like with money? And how do you and your partner deal with money? Do you not talk about it? Subscribe & comment below! For more information, or if you'd like to find out your money blocks, just go HERE, sign up on the home page and then schedule a time that works for us to talk! For a powerful way to transform your money habits, get my free 30 day money habit changer HERE.