My husband and I celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary this week!
8 years is not a long time, and yet, we're not in the honeymoon phase. Since our anniversary is on a Wednesday this year, we spent some time last Friday...going to a lavender farm.
It's open, by appointment only, so they can limit the numbers of people going. It was so beautiful and relaxing. We could smell the lavender even through our masks!
I've written a lot about love and marriage, since LOVE is my #1 core value and true relationships (which includes loyalty, friendship and community) are also amongst my core values. And I write about how money ties into love and marriage because it's the #1 reasons couples fight and get divorced over.
And here's a love letter to my husband, which explains why we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. However, the most popular post I've ever written is about manifesting love & marriage, so I'll share the information again. For my anniversary this week, here's how I manifested the love of my life and a marriage I wanted to keep...
First, I worked on myself. Like attracts like. If, deep down, you feel you don't deserve love or don't respect yourself, then you will attract someone who will abuse your love and not respect you because, well...you don't really love or respect yourself. I had my share of relationships end due to what I thought was my fear of commitment, but while going through therapy, I realized I already had a commitment that was taking up all of my time and energy -- my mother! My commitment to her was greater than any relationship, job, city, or apartment. In therapy, I also discovered that the men I chose to date all had similar traits to my mom...big-hearted, outgoing, people magnets but with no concrete concept of time or money.
Next, I got really, really clear about my values. Your values are your true desires, and if you're crystal clear about your values, you can create the life you want, in relationships, career, and life.
I used to have the same fights over and over again with one of my exes. I used to call him "Switzerland" because he never took sides. Now, for some people, this isn't a deal breaker. It may not even get noticed. However, since loyalty is one of my values, it drove me crazy and constantly created conflict. At the time, I didn't understand that the reason "Switzerland" and I would have the same fights over and over again is because we had two different values. My husband and I don't fight about this issue because he's one of the most loyal people I know. He and I both believe in being loyal, almost to a fault. He's the guy at work who would never even think about wanting a boss' job. He's also the guy who stuck to a real estate agent who added $1000 to an offer on a house, without asking us first. He was loyal because the agent showed us houses for an entire year before we even put in an offer on a house.
After clearing out my issues and laying down the foundation with my values, I, then, had to be open and receptive to the universe. When I ask my single friends what they want, no one is telling me that they want to marry for money. They usually say they just want a "good" person, but then they tell me that person needs to be tall, like to work out or sometimes, women say they want a guy who makes his own money. Now, I'm not saying that you can't ask for all of those things, but it's not very clear to the universe if you're saying you just want a "good" person, but then you're also concerned about their looks, ethnicity or annual salary.
In one of our first, real conversations (not about work), my husband told me about his friend, Lionel (he was Swiss French so it's pronounced lee-uh-NEL), who passed away in a car accident in his 20s. While he told me this story, for the first time in my life, I saw someone's soul and not the human form everyone else sees. I saw a soul that is so filled with love, light, tenderness, kindness, beauty, compassion, loyalty, passion, childlike innocence, giving, and a feeling I can't describe in words. I was open enough to be able to see it, and since that moment, my husband has shown me that what I felt about his soul is truly his essence. Now, as you can see from the pictures of our wedding, my husband is a physically handsome man, but I honestly didn't see that when I first met him.
Finally, Action is the next step in manifesting and attracting what you want, and this is one of the most important in a successful relationship and marriage. After all, anyone can say the words "I love you," but it's in the meaningful, little actions that builds up the trust that leads to whole-hearted, unconditional love.
Now, LOVE is the foundation for everything. However, we've all heard of that saying "love doesn't pay the bills." While, I don't ascribe to that particular thought 100% because I do pay my bills with love (and actual money), we all do know that money is the #1 thing most couples fight about. And while money, itself, doesn't buy happiness, studies have shown that having financial security definitely boosts happiness.
Financial security doesn't mean that you need to make a million dollars because some people who make that much money have also lost that much money. A friend of mine, who was a professional poker player, used to make millions at a poker tournament and turn around and lose $150,000 in a game of craps. So, making a lot of money doesn't guarantee financial security. Financial security is built on trust, just as a solid relationship and marriage should be. Getting to financial security takes time, just as building trust takes time, but here's how to get started:
With Gratitude and lots of Love,
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